LivingEM: How are ya doin?
XXXXXXXX: Am I in need of some big correction?
LivingEM: Not that I know of at the moment
XXXXXXXX: What I mean is, are you holding back now because of my circumstances?
LivingEM: No, I only move to correct as the Lord leads me.
LivingEM: You would not want me telling you every little thing <G>
XXXXXXXX: Actually I would
LivingEM: And if I did that it would not give you an opportunity to recognize it yourself
LivingEM: That happened with XXXXX a couple of weeks ago
LivingEM: She said something in a wrong spirit and I let it go and left the room.
LivingEM: When I came back she said to me, Pastor Sheila I did such as such, and you did not even catch it
LivingEM: I told her that I did hear it, but that Christ did not rise up and say anything through me,
LivingEM: "and look at that," I said, you recognized your own sin nature. Glory to God!
XXXXXXXX: I really want to get to that place where I can really recognize if it is Christ or not
LivingEM: Well, since your asking, I can tell you something.
LivingEM: I think that you get distressed when I talk about some of my past or present hardships,
LivingEM: And your response is to try to control the conversation.
XXXXXXXX: What do I do?
LivingEM: Either you say something like, "well that is all past now,''
LivingEM: And you say it in a spirit that dismisses the issue and changes the subject
XXXXXXXX: oh, I don't remember ever saying that, I really do not, but that is really bad.
XXXXXXXX: Forgive me, please.
LivingEM: I don't like to use the word bad
LivingEM: of course I forgive you
XXXXXXXX: well, I mean really immature and insensitive
XXXXXXXX: of me
LivingEM: but since we are talking about it, I would like to help you to have a Godly response to hearing people's troubles, because
LivingEM: this is a large part of ministering in Christ Jesus.
XXXXXXXX: yes, I believe that. thank you.
LivingEM: it is important that we deal with our own emotions and prevent them from hindering the wounded person from expressing himself, which expression is a catharsis
LivingEM: I know, what is a catharsis <G>
XXXXXXXX: yes, I know that. It helps heal
XXXXXXXX: I know it for myself so I guess that shows my selfishness
LivingEM: what I talk about the this to the group I usually tell them that I am very impressed at most of the people who go to 12 step groups.
LivingEM: they really have a deliverance ministry.
LivingEM: some, but not all, of them understand the principle
LivingEM: that our job is to listen
LivingEM: and speak only if Christ has something to say.
LivingEM: this is not always easy,
LivingEM: especially if the person for whatever reason touches our emotions.
LivingEM: usually, when this happens, the reason for it is some form of self preservation.
LivingEM: somehow, somewhere, based on the person's own experience, they have a conscious or unconscious fear that this might happen to them also
LivingEM: when I spent a couple of days with two missionaries a few years years ago, they were very distressed as I gave my testimony .
LivingEM: I don't usually give it unless I'm pressed, because I know how people react to it. It terrifies them.
LivingEM: years ago I knew a woman with a glass eye.
LivingEM: I was very embarrassed at a party one day because, as I spoke to her, I became physically uncomfortable. I did not know what was wrong, but I could not continue to look at her.
LivingEM: when she saw how uncomfortable and embarrassed I was, she apologized to me, and told me that this is the reaction that most people have to someone whose eyes are not synchronized.
LivingEM: she told me that she was trained to deal with this situation by periodically casting her eyes down, or looking to the side. She had not done this, and that was why she apologized. I never forgot it
LivingEM: I find myself using the same technique frequently
LivingEM: some people cannot bear to hear what I have been through, and other people cannot bear to hear the doctrine of Christ.
LivingEM: but, whatever the reason, I find many people squirming in my presence.
LivingEM: at the first sign of their discomfort I will change the subject and/or look away because many cannot bear to look in my eyes
XXXXXXXX: how do you handle a situation when a person goes on and on for a long time about their problems? I know that talking is good, but when do you try to end it?
LivingEM: I try the spirit on it. Talking about problems can be healing,
LivingEM: but it can go over the line and become angry, vindictive, vengeful or condemning, or sometimes the person goes into self-pity.
LivingEM: I will not go along with these ungodly spirits for very long,
LivingEM: but I do listen to the person if I feel that they're working out the problem as they talk about it
LivingEM: This is very legitimate, I do it all the time
XXXXXXXX: Sometime when I am with you I find myself talking about my early life, and I ca not figure out why I am doing that.
LivingEM: The Spirit of Christ in me is probably bringing forth a catharsis
XXXXXXXX: I remember the last time I did it, and I said to myself :"You did it again"
XXXXXXXX: I have found that telling you about my life makes me feel better about myself.
LivingEM: there is an unwritten law in our society and in the Church that says that people should not talk about their problems.
LivingEM: this is wrong.
LivingEM: we should not have to go to a psychologist to talk about our problems.
LivingEM: the problem is that most people don't know how to help their friends.
LivingEM: either they try to shut them up, thinking that this is what is best for them,
LivingEM: or they rebuke them, believing this will strengthen them,
LivingEM: or they baby them and minister false compassion, which weakens them.
LivingEM: most people are also inclined to give counsel when they hear someone talking about their problems. This is usually a mistake.
LivingEM: whichever technique the average person uses, they usually wind up hurting the hurting person.
LivingEM: the correct response to a hurting person who is in a right spirit, is silent listening.
LivingEM: the correct response to a person in a wrong spirit, is the truth.
LivingEM: "I understand that you a very upset, and I would like to help you, but your anger is harming me, so I must end this conversation."
LivingEM: "I understand that you a very upset, and I would like to help you, but you are wallowing in self-pity, letting you continue will not help you.
LivingEM: what is very difficult for many, is to recognize when someone IS NOT complaining, NOT wallowing in self-pity, NOT attacking or condemning someone who may have hurt them,
LivingEM: but that the person is merely talking to you as a friend as a means of working out their own problem.
LivingEM: psychologists and psychiatrists frequently say little to their patients, because
LivingEM: they know this secret that I am talking to you about.
LivingEM: they know, that if they listen with an honest interest, their patient will most likely find their own answers.
LivingEM: but the pride of man makes him think that he must take control of this hurting person and save them.
LivingEM: the pride of man thinks that he must counsel the hurting one, stopping from talking, rebuke him, or change the subject and deprive him of the opportunity to talk.
LivingEM: many people feel that they must do something, but this is not true either.
LivingEM: we do not always have to do something.
LivingEM: listening is an art that not many people are accomplished at, or even know about.
LivingEM: compassionate, not sympathetic, listening, is healing. Sympathy tends to weaken the wounded one, but compassion, or understanding, heals. Jesus had compassion.
LivingEM: the need to control frequently arises when we find ourselves talking to troubled people, but the one to control is ourselves, because
LivingEM: to try to control another person under any circumstances is witchcraft.
LivingEM: we must control our own anxiety, our own fear which wants us to run, our own pride which wants to teach and heal when we are not qualified to do so.
LivingEM: people who have a tendency to take on false burdens and become anxious in "real situations," usually make the mistake of trying to control the person who is making them uncomfortable.
LivingEM: but, as we grow up, we find out that the healthiest thing for all concerned, is for us to control our own immaturities. Christ Jesus can minister through the self-controlled person, but He is severely limited in the individual who is given over to the fears and emotions of their carnal mind.
LivingEM: well, it has happened again
XXXXXXXX: what ?
LivingEM: I thought I was just saying hello, and I preached a message for the question-and-answer page.
LivingEM: God bless you, love Sheila
XXXXXXXX: you too, love ya - xxxx